CAMP DAVID, MARYLAND -- FNM -- Donald Trump announced Monday night his plan to construct a superdome over the contiguous 48 states. The intention follows widespread criticism of a proposed southern border wall as ineffectual against airborne terrorists.
Speaking with reporters at a private Camp David dinner, Trump claimed that terrorists would pay for the superdome. "I'm an excellent businessman," he stated. "ISIS will beg to be involved, believe me."
Trump added that smaller domes would be constructed for Alaska and Hawaii. "Smaller terrorist groups will pay for the smaller superdomes. I can tell you that MS-13, a vicious gang, is ready to pay. They earn millions in drug trafficking every month."
Trump did not comment about doming Puerto Rico and other US territories.
SICILY, GREECE -- FN -- Computer hackers working on behalf of Donald Trump have not received pay for December 2018 work according to data intercepted by INTERPOL. Collectively the expected pay exceeded $1 billion, according to computer forensics specialist Svetlana Tsadiki.
“The effect is enough to devastate the Greek economy,” said Tsadiki, “and of course it will be felt in Russia and Ukraine.”
Said one hacker [translated], “The money was good. Of course we heard that Trump does not pay contractors, but we were paid consistently for years. Maybe his staff changed.”
US intelligence asserts that a significant portion of 2016 election fraud was facilitated with Greek hacking warehouses. The Greek government in 2017 released Aleksandr Vinnik to Russia instead of extraditing him to the US. In real news Vinnik is reportedly a hacker tied to $4 billion in Bitcoin money laundering.