Fake News + Sponsors

gallery/trump-denies

HACKERS MISS PAYCHECK

Project aims to extract DNA, heal others' bone spurs 

 

WASHINGTON, DC -- FN -- Scientists at the Georgetown University School of Medicine have secured a grant to study the feet of Donald Trump, which have healed remarkably since disqualifying him for military service. Research team leader Dr. Lilith Blumen announced the award at a televised press conference Friday afternoon.

Says Blumen, “The healing of Trump’s feet is often explained as miraculous, but scientists seek research-based explanations. How did Trump first have a short-term foot problem, then a long-term foot condition, and then none at all?”

Georgetown's grant, provided by the National Institutes of Health, allocates $250K for the initial round of research. "The first step is to extract Trump's DNA," says Blumen. "Next we'll transcribe the code. Then comes the hard part: identifying which section of that code helps with military exemption and sudden healing."

Details of Trump’s medical exemption are unclear. Like many other medical records from the Vietnam War era, Trump’s seem to have been destroyed. His final draft deferment is dated February 17, 1972.

RESEARCHERS TO STUDY TRUMP'S "MIRACULOUS" FEET
 

gallery/hackers-trump-shutdown
gallery/support-funny-fake-news-at-zazzle

Support Funny Fake News!

Use this link for Zazzle shopping fun: